Escape to Siberia's Hidden Gem: Metelitsa Hotel, Surgut!
Escape to Siberia's Hidden Gem: Metelitsa Hotel, Surgut!
Escape to Siberia's Hidden Gem: Metelitsa Hotel, Surgut! - A Review From Someone Who's Been There (And Survived!)
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because we're going on a trip to Surgut, Siberia! And not just to Surgut, but to the Metelitsa Hotel, their so-called "Hidden Gem." I've just escaped (literally, felt like it at times, Siberia being Siberia and all) and I'm here to dish out the honest truth, warts and all. Forget perfectly manicured reviews. This is real life, folks.
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First Impressions (and the Great Elevator Adventure):
Landing in Surgut feels like stepping onto another planet. It’s cold. Really cold. Metelitsa, thankfully, is a beacon of warmth and… well, let's say "relatively modern." The exterior? A bit… Brutalist. But hey, at least it's there!
Accessibility: Now, I have to give them credit. They do try. Wheelchair accessible rooms are available (I didn't stay in one, but saw them – seemed decent) and the public areas mostly accommodated. The elevator… now that's a story. It’s there, bless its mechanical little heart, but it’s a bit… leisurely. Let’s just say you’ll have ample time to contemplate the meaning of life while ascending to your floor. I almost gave up and took the stairs (which were, thankfully, not a grueling climb, but still). The facilities for disabled guests are also listed.
Inside the Fortress (Rooms & Comfort):
My room? Non-smoking, thank heavens. Air conditioning (crucial, even in Siberia, if only for the contrast with the outside), a decent desk to work from (internet – we’ll get to that), and a surprisingly comfortable bed. Blackout curtains are the bomb; perfect for fighting the Siberian sun (even when it's barely there).
Internet Access – The Saga Continues:
Okay, the free Wi-Fi in all rooms claim? Mostly true. But "free" sometimes also means "intermittently available." The Internet access – LAN was a bit more reliable, but… well, let's just say I spent a good chunk of my trip rebooting my router and muttering under my breath. I needed to be productive! But oh, the Laptop workspace was needed!
Bathroom Bliss (or Lack Thereof):
The bathroom? Standard fare, but clean. Toiletries were provided, which is always a bonus. The shower… well, it worked. Remember, this is Siberia. Functionality is key. The additional toilet was useful.
Food, Glorious Food (and the Buffet of Wonders):
The restaurants at the Metelitsa are… serviceable. Let's start with the Breakfast [buffet]. Oh boy. A sprawling land of questionable sausages, pallid scrambled eggs, and a selection of… stuff. I am not going to lie. When I saw the Asian breakfast, it gave me a pause. The International cuisine in restaurant held some interest, but not enough. I opted for a simple, safe Western breakfast most days. The Coffee/tea in restaurant was a lifesaver. There is also a Room service, A la carte in restaurant, and a Snack bar. The Vegetarian restaurant was a Godsend!
Relaxation Station (Spa, Sauna, and… Bliss?):
Ah, the joys! Spa/sauna? Yep. Sauna? Check. Steamroom? Indeed. I needed this after a week of meetings! The Swimming pool was inviting (though I wasn’t brave enough to try it after the sauna, it was cold enough already!). There is the Pool with view? I think. Too foggy to see far. The Massage? Absolutely. I let myself go and felt so great! The Body wrap was great, like a blanket from heaven! The Foot bath? Mmm, yes.
Things to Do (Beyond Staying Warm):
Surgut isn’t exactly bustling with tourist attractions. But Metelitsa does offer some options. The Fitness center is decent, I peeked in (ok, I peeked and then went back to my room and ordered another coffee).
Services and Conveniences – The Good, the Bad, and the… Russian:
Daily housekeeping was reliable. Front desk [24-hour], a lifesaver. Concierge service? Hit or miss, depending on the language skills. Laundry service was a godsend after my first encounter with Siberian mud. There is also Car park [free of charge], Dry cleaning, and Luggage storage.
For the Kids (and the Child in Us All):
There is a Babysitting service, and they are, let's just say, very accommodating to the kids!
Safety and Security – Peace of Mind (Mostly):
CCTV in common areas provides a sense of security. Security [24-hour] is present. Smoke alarms and Fire extinguisher felt reassuring.
COVID-19 Considerations:
They’re trying. Staff wore masks (mostly). Hand sanitizer was readily available. Rooms sanitized between stays. I saw them scrubbing down surfaces. They have Anti-viral cleaning products. Safe dining setup was in place. Individually-wrapped food options. Physical distancing of at least 1 meter.
The Quirks – What Makes Metelitsa… Metelitsa:
- The gift shop. It has… everything. Probably even a babushka doll or two.
- The sometimes-challenging elevator. Embrace the slow.
- The sheer… Russian-ness of the whole experience. It’s charming, in a slightly chaotic way.
The Deal (and Why You Should Consider Metelitsa):
Look, the Metelitsa isn't the Ritz. It's not perfect. But it's comfortable, it's clean, the staff tries hard, and, most importantly, it's a haven in a place that, let's face it, can be pretty darn harsh.
Here's my offer to you, because you made it so far:
Book the Metelitsa Hotel in Surgut and Get:
- A 15% discount on your stay (because you deserve it after reading this epic review!)
- Free breakfast upgrade to the "deluxe" buffet (try the pastries, you only live once!)
- A complimentary massage at the spa (you'll need it after the elevator ride)
- Free high-speed internet
Why book now? Because… you're going to Siberia! You're brave! And the Metelitsa, despite its quirks, is a solid choice. It's not a luxury resort, but it's a warm-if-basic safe point to take a breather, and it's well-priced. Plus, you get to say you survived Surgut! And that, my friends, is a story worth telling.
Click here to book, and tell them the crazy person who wrote this told you to come! You won't regret it!
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, 'cause we're diving headfirst into… SURGUT. Siberia, baby! Specifically, the Metelitsa Hotel. Forget your perfectly curated Instagram feeds, this is going to be REAL. My brain is already a swirling blizzard of excitement and fear. Let's get this logistical mess rolling…
The "Surgut Survival Guide" - Or, How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Permafrost (Maybe)
Day 1: Arrival - The Frozen Heart and My Own Frozen Hands
- 7:00 AM (Moscow Time): Ugh. Alarm. Actually, more like the death knell. This is NOT my time of day. Stumble out of bed, barely remember packing. Did I grab a hat? (Spoiler: I didn't. Epic fail.)
- 8:00 AM: Taxi to the airport. Praying to the travel gods that I haven't accidentally booked myself a one-way ticket to oblivion. (Okay, maybe a slight exaggeration.)
- 11:00 AM: Flight to Surgut. Window seat, naturally. Because I want to see ALL the vast, white nothingness. Oh, look – snow! So much snow. It’s… beautiful. In a brutally cold, desolate kind of way.
- 1:00 PM (Local Time): LANDED! Surgut Airport. Let the adventure begin! (Deep breaths. I can do this. I think I can.) The airport itself is… well, it's functional. Let’s call it that. Found my way to baggage claim. The carousel whirs, spewing forth luggage like a frozen, weary dragon.
- 2:00 PM: Taxi (another one!) to the Metelitsa Hotel. The driver, bless his soul, speaks maybe three words of English. "Hotel? Metelitsa?" I nod vigorously. We're communicating! Success!
- 2:30 PM: CHECK-IN. The lobby is all wood and… wait, is that a reindeer antler chandelier? Okay, I'm officially in Russia. The receptionist is efficient, bordering on stern. (Standard Russian, I gather.) My room… is… fine. Clean-ish. There's a distinct chill in the air. Good thing I’m wearing all the clothes I own.
- 3:30 PM: Room exploration. Unpack. Where's my hairdryer? Oh, that's right, I packed one in the luggage I’m not checking out of. The bedspread is… a bit floral. Okay, a LOT floral. But hey, it's warm! And that's what counts, right? After a long and hectic day, I was able to call my wife, I missed her already.
- 4:00 PM: Disaster averted! Remembered to pack a charger. Panic fades. Phone connected. Life restored.
- 5:00 PM: Hunger pangs. Found a tiny convenience store nearby. Inventory is… limited. Grab a mysterious chocolate bar and a bottle of water. No idea what I just bought, but at this point, anything is better than nothing.
- 6:00 PM: Back in the room. Eating my mystery chocolate while watching Russian television. I think I'm understanding about 5% of what's going on. Mostly commercials. LOTS of commercials. I swear they're longer than the programs themselves.
- 8:00 PM: Dinner at the hotel restaurant. The food is… surprisingly good! (I'm lowering my expectations by the minute.) Ordered something that sounded vaguely like chicken and potatoes. Turns out it actually is chicken and potatoes! Victory! The waitress has a stone-cold expression but is actually quite helpful, even though I barely speak a word of Russian.
- 9:00 PM: Back in my room, already tired. Journaling. Realizing I'm already developing a deep and abiding love for the strange, the quirky, and the slightly uncomfortable. This trip is going to be… interesting.
- 10:00 PM: Try to sleep. The floral bedspread mocks me. The wind howls outside. I am officially, completely, utterly… in Russia.
Day 2: Culture Shock, Vodka (Maybe), and a Deep Dive into the Local Market (If I Dare)
- 7:00 AM: Wake up from a restless sleep . Refuse to look at the floral monstrosity again.
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast at the hotel. The buffet, a veritable feast of questionable items. I go for eggs. Safe choice. The coffee is… strong. Very strong. Feeling myself slowly starting to wake up from a stupor.
- 9:00 AM: Mission: Explore the City! Venture outside. Bundled up like a Michelin Man. Face instantly feels the cold. It's… cold. Really, really cold.
- 10:00 AM: Wandering around Surgut. The architecture is… a mix. Modern buildings with a Soviet-era vibe. Everywhere, white and gray. The air is crisp, clear, and biting.
- 11:00 AM: Find a local market. My heart pounds. This is the "real" Russia. The vendors eye me with a mixture of curiosity and suspicion. Stalls overflowing with strange, colorful things. I smell fish. Lots of it.
- 11:30 AM: This is a mistake. I am not ready. Too much going on at once. I retreat, eyes watering. Maybe tomorrow. Today I need a hot cup of tea.
- 12:00 PM: Wander around the Hotel. Met a few other guests in the elevator. One guy from Germany, smiling. I smile back.
- 1:00 PM: Lunch at the hotel. More chicken and potatoes. Starting to feel like a local.
- 2:00 PM: Rest. More writing.
- 3:00 PM: A stroll around the hotel.
- 4:00 PM: Back in the room, considering the vodka situation. Maybe later. Need to psych myself up.
- 6:00 PM: Try to watch a movie
- 8:00 PM: Dinner at the Hotel. I am getting the hang of this food.
Day 3: The Market Beckons! (And Maybe, Just Maybe, a Little Vodka)
- 9:00 AM: Okay, Day 3: The Market Must Be Conquered! (Said with a deep, theatrical breath.) I tell you it took all my mental strength to finally confront the market.
- 10:00 AM: Back at the market. Taking a deep breath. This time, I'm ready! Or… at least, I think I'm ready.
- 10:30 AM: Immerse yourself. The chaos, the smells, the sounds, all a symphony.
- 11:00 AM: I spot a woman selling something I've never seen before: dried fish. The smell is… intense, but strangely compelling. I'm intrigued.
- 11:30 AM: THE BUY!!! I somehow manage to gesture and point my way to buying a bag. The woman cracks a tiny smile. (Score!) I'm officially a Surgut shopper.
- 12:00 PM: Back at the hotel. I'm exhausted but exhilarated. The market. I faced it!
- 2:00 PM: The Vodka. Yes, I have decided. At dinner, I shall try it. Research! Preparation is key.
- 3:00 PM: More journaling. Today I will try the sauna, I should relax for a while.
Day 4: Departure - Reflections and a Frozen Farewell
- 7:00 AM: It's time to go. Somehow, against all odds, I'm not completely miserable.
- 8:00 AM: Breakfast. Eggs again. The floral bedspread seems… less hostile.
- 9:00 AM: Pack. Last-minute panics about forgotten items. The usual.
- 10:00 AM: Check out. Say goodbye to the stern-faced receptionist.
- 10:30 AM: Taxi to the airport. One last look at Surgut. The sky is gray. The snow continues to fall.
- 11:30 AM: Airport security. A bit more efficient this time. I've learned the drill.
- 1:00 PM: Flight back to Moscow. As the plane climbs into the sky, I look down at the vast, white landscape below. I did it. I survived Surgut. And you know what? I kind of… liked it. The bizarre, the challenging, the utterly unique. It was an adventure. I definitely learned a valuable lesson: embrace the mess, roll with the punches, and always, always, pack a hat. I will never forget my time in Surgut at the Metelitsa Hotel, and the challenges or small moments that occurred.
This whole thing was messy, imperfect, and completely, wonderfully real. And if my trip to Surgut was anything like this, then it was a trip I
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Escape to Siberia's Hidden Gem: Metelitsa Hotel, Surgut! (Or, My Love/Hate Affair with Frozen Russki Land) – FAQs
Okay, Seriously, Surgut? Where Even *IS* That?!
Alright, fine, I get it. Surgut isn't exactly on the tourist trail. Think... way up north. Like, Siberia north. It's in the Khanty-Mansiysk Autonomous Okrug, and it's basically an oil town. Miles and miles of flat, snowy nothingness stretching out in every direction. My first thought when the plane landed was, "Oh crap, I'm trapped in a snow globe." But hey, that's part of the charm... or, you know, part of the existential dread, depending on the day.
And the Metelitsa Hotel? Is it... good? Like, actually *good*?
"Good" is relative, my friend. Let's just say it's... an experience. The Metelitsa is a cozy, relatively modern hotel. I'd seen worse... much worse. Think solid, not spectacular. Cleanish. The staff are generally friendly, even if their English is, let's say, "developing." The key is to temper your expectations. Don't go expecting the Ritz. Go expecting... well, let's just say you'll be grateful for reliable hot water after a day spent battling the Siberian winds.
Honestly, I spent one entire day battling the dodgy Wi-Fi in the lobby. It took a solid hour (and a lot of frantic hand gestures) to download a single email. My deadline was looming, and I was pretty sure I was developing frostbite on my fingertips from the sheer frustration. I almost took a hammer to the router. Almost.
What are the rooms like at the Metelitsa? Is the bed a torture device?
Okay, this is a *crucial* question. The rooms are... functional. They're not exactly palatial suites. The decor is… well, let’s just say it's got a certain Soviet charm. Think lots of beige and maybe a floral patterned bedspread that probably saw action in the late 80s. But hey, the bed itself wasn't actively trying to kill me. That's a win! The pillows were decent. That's a *major* win. I am a pillow snob, and happy to report a decent sleep was enjoyed as I battled with the cold outside.
And the view? Well, it was mostly the courtyard, with a lot of snow. Hey, it's Siberia! You didn't come for the inspiring vistas, did you?
The food! Tell me about the food! Because I'm imagining blinis and caviar and…
Okay, the food at the Metelitsa... is an adventure. The breakfast! Bless their hearts, they *tried*. There was usually a cold buffet with various meats, cheeses, and a selection of baked goods. The coffee was, well, let's just say it wasn't Italian. It was more along the lines of "brown, vaguely caffeinated liquid." But, again, you adjust. I ended up loading up on the pastries (they were the most reliable thing there, bless their hearts) and just chugging the coffee like it was rocket fuel. It was the only way to start the day, really.
One day, I was feeling particularly brave and ventured into the restaurant for dinner. I ordered something that sounded vaguely familiar on the translated menu... turned out to be something I couldn't even *identify*. It looked like a gray, gelatinous blob. I ate it anyway. And it... wasn't terrible. It tasted like... well, it tasted like something that survived the Siberian winter. And honestly, that’s the key. You're there for the experience, not Michelin-star dining.
Is there anything to *do* in Surgut besides freeze and eat mysterious gray food blobs?
Yes, yes! Although "a lot" might be a stretch. There's a local museum that's actually quite interesting, diving into the history of the region and the oil industry. Be prepared for most exhibits to be in Russian. Another tip: If you see a local wearing a gigantic fur hat, it’s a sign that things are probably cold. Duh! You'll see the typical Russian Orthodox churches. I wandered the city. I got lost. I fell in love (briefly) with a local in a particularly stylish ushanka hat. I think he was a dentist.
The real fun, honestly, is just *being* there. The sheer starkness of the landscape, the biting wind, the way the light reflects off the snow… it’s all pretty awe-inspiring. You feel like you're at the edge of the world. Just the sheer audacity of existence is humbling, you know.
Plus, you can always drink vodka. Always a good option. Just be smart about it.
How's the staff at the Metelitsa? Do they speak English? Do they judge you for being a clueless foreigner?
The staff are generally lovely and helpful. English? Limited. But they try! They smile a lot, and that goes a long way. A helpful smile, a shared laugh over my terrible Russian pronunciation of ‘spasibo,’ and a willingness to point me in the direction of the nearest convenience store (vital!) – that's what matters.
Do they judge you? Probably. But, honestly, who cares? You're the clueless foreigner! You're meant to be a bit bewildered. Embrace it! I accidentally ordered a whole plate of something I didn't know what. The waiter just shrugged and smiled! He knew I was a clueless idiot. And that was fine. It's part of the fun! Plus, they seemed amused by my frantic hand gestures when I tried to explain I needed "more tea" (and, apparently, also the whole teapot, considering my gestures).
Is the Metelitsa Hotel worth it? Should I actually GO to Surgut?!
Okay, the million-dollar question! Look, if you're expecting luxury and non-stop entertainment, Surgut and the Metelitsa are probably not for you. BUT… if you are craving a genuinely unusual travel experience, if you want to step outside your comfort zone, if you are curious about a part of the world most people never even think about, then yes. Go! Be prepared to rough it. Be prepared to be utterly bewildered at times. Be prepared to find the beauty in the unexpected.
I'd go back. Yeah. Definitely. Even just for the bizarre food, the dodgy Wi-Fi, and the memories that'll stay with you forever. Just pack layers. And maybe a phrasebook. And a very, very strong sense of humor. Seriously, bring that humor. You'll need it.
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