Escape Manila's Hustle: Your Serene Nature Retreat Awaits!
Escape Manila's Hustle: Your Serene Nature Retreat Awaits!
Okay, buckle up Buttercup. Prepare yourself for… a review. Not just any review, mind you. This is me, wrestling with Escape Manila’s "Hustle: Your Serene Nature Retreat Awaits!" and you're coming along for the ride.
Alright, let’s dive in, shall we? God, I need coffee. And maybe a strong drink after writing this, depending on how it goes.
The Promise: Serenity? We’ll See.
Escape Manila is selling… escape. Escape from the Manila madness, which, frankly, sounds heavenly. They’re promising a “serene nature retreat.” Now, as someone who's lived in Manila, I'm skeptical. Serenity and Manila in the same sentence? Let's see…
Accessibility & Getting To It: Trying to Break My Ankles… Metaphorically.
Okay, so let's start with the nitty gritty, shall we? Accessibility. This is critical, right? Like, can someone with mobility issues actually get to this promised paradise? I didn't test this myself, but it's crucial for a lot of people. I'm hoping they've thought about this – Facilities for disabled guests, an elevator, you know, the basics. Need to double check on the specific wheelchair accessibility aspects. They're advertising it so fingers crossed.
And getting there? Okay, they're offering Airport transfer. Excellent. Car park [free of charge & on-site], good for those of us who bravely drive. Taxi service – a Manila lifeline. And they even have a Car power charging station! (For the future, I guess. My car is from the dark ages.)
Arrival & First Impressions: Will It Be Paradise or a Parking Lot?
The Check-in/out [express] is tempting, but I like to actually see someone. Contactless check-in/out? Sure, during a global pandemic, anything feels normal. Front desk [24-hour], essential. Doorman? A nice touch. Makes you feel important, doesn’t it? They have a Concierge too, which are a godsend when you're lost and confused… which is, admittedly, my default setting.
The exterior corridor, though… does that take away from the retreat vibe? We'll see.
My Room: The Cozy Nest (Hopefully Not Swarming With Cockroaches).
Now, the rooms. This is where things get interesting (or horrifying).
- Air conditioning: YES. Manila's humidity is a MONSTER.
- Free Wi-Fi: Apparently… Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Thank God. I'm addicted.
- Air conditioning: I said it twice because I NEED it.
- Desk, Laptop workspace: Gotta love the ability to work.
- Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Free bottled water: Essentials.
- Mini bar: Always a danger zone.
- Safe box: Always good to get.
- Satellite/cable channels: For the nights when I’m too drained to do anything.
- Soundproofing: Please, please let this be true.
- Wake-up service: I need to be up on time every day.
- Daily housekeeping: Yes. YES.
The "Available in all rooms" list is long, but the proof is in the pudding! I hope the blackout curtains are legit. Manila sunrises are BRUTAL when you're trying to sleep in. Non-smoking rooms, thankfully. I like to breath.
The "extras?", well, I need to know! Additional toilet, extra long bed, etc…
The All-Important Sleep:
I’m really hoping for blackout curtains and soundproofing. The extra-long bed sounds good too, my feet are usually hanging off the end of a regular bed.
Cleanliness & Safety: Because COVID-19.
Yeah, so, the elephant in the room. COVID. This is where Escape Manila could either shine or utterly fail. They are saying all the right things.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Okay.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Good.
- Hand sanitizer: Essential!
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Again, good.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Okay, I'm listening!
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Seems like a reasonable request.
- Safe dining setup: A necessity!
- Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Yes, please.
- Masks are they wearing them?
They also offer Room sanitization opt-out available, which is a nice plus.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: Fueling the Escape.
Okay, food. Very important to me.
- Restaurants: Essential. They've got a few.
- Room service [24-hour]: Very tempting. Especially after a long day.
- Breakfast [buffet]: Okay, a buffet! Awesome!!
- Coffee/tea in restaurant: YES!
- Poolside bar: Hello, cocktails!
- Snack bar: For the hangry moments.
- Asian breakfast: Might give it a try
Now, the Asian cuisine in restaurant is a good sign, but what about the Western cuisine? The "A la carte", Alternative meal arrangement, and Vegetarian restaurant.
The Bottle of water is a nice touch.
Things To Do (or Avoid Doing): The “Escape” Experience.
Here we go! Now, the fun part. If they're calling it a "retreat", there better be ways to chill out.
- Swimming pool [outdoor]: A MUST.
- Pool with view: Nice.
- Fitness center: I should utilize it, probably.
- Spa/sauna: Oooooooh…
- Massage: YES. Absolutely.
- Body scrub/wrap: Maybe. Depends on my mood (and how much I've been eating).
- Sauna, Steamroom: Yes, yes, and yes.
- Foot bath: Intriguing.
And for the slightly more… active types:
- Gym/fitness, Bicycle parking,
- Couple's room
The Ups and Downs: What I Really Loved, What Made Me Cringe
Okay, look. I have high hopes for the Pool with a View. That's where I see myself, cocktail in hand, slowly forgetting the dumpster fire that is Manila traffic. The Spa/Sauna/Massage combo better be legit. I need to be able to actually RELAX. I'm also hoping the food is decent.
I am concerned about the exterior corridors. That just doesn't sound like serenity.
Services & Conveniences: The Little Things That Matter.
Here's where they either nail it or get petty.
- Cash withdrawal: Nice to have.
- Concierge: Again, a lifesaver.
- Currency exchange: Very useful for tourists.
- Daily housekeeping. Good!
- Dry cleaning, Laundry service, Ironing service: Always appreciated.
- Luggage storage: Essential.
- Safety deposit boxes: Safety first!
- Convenience store: For those "I need chocolate now" moments.
- Food delivery: Good.
I'm always on the lookout for a good Gift/souvenir shop. The Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal, all good for your kids or children.
Business, Events &… Weddings?
Okay, maybe you need to work during your escape (God help you). They’ve got Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery, Seminars, Audio-visual equipment for special events, Indoor venue for special events, Meeting stationery, Outdoor venue for special events, Projector/LED display, Wi-Fi for special events. Wow. They have a lot of stuff if you wanna make a business event.
- Couple's room
- Proposal spot
The Verdict (So Far…):
Look, Escape Manila is promising a lot. "Serene Nature Retreat" is a bold statement. If they deliver, they’re going to be a godsend. If not… well, I'll be back here, writing an even more scathing review.
The Offer (Because You Deserve It):
Escape Manila's "Hustle: Your Serene Nature Retreat Awaits!" – Book Now and Get… (Because I'M Selling This Now):
Here's the deal:
- Exclusive Upgrade: Book a Deluxe Room or higher and receive a complimentary one-hour spa treatment. (Massages, People! Massages!)
- Early Bird Bonus: The first 10 bookings get a free welcome cocktail at the poolside bar.
- **The "Get
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's travel itinerary. We're talking Manila, Philippines, a place that's less meticulously planned, more "winging it with a smile and a prayer." And hey, I'm not promising perfection. This trip is about feeling, okay? And Manila… she's got a lot of feelings.
The Vibe: Relaxing & Safe Nature Feels. Emphasis on the "Feels." (And the "Safe," mostly.)
Duration: Let's say five gloriously messy, chaotic days.
Day 1: Landing in Lushness (and Losing My Mind a Little)
- Morning (8:00 AM): Land at Ninoy Aquino International Airport (NAIA). Ugh, airports. The smell of jet fuel and stale coffee – iconic, but not in a good way. I'm already regretting that pre-dawn wake-up call. God, I hope my luggage made it.
- Anecdote: Last time I flew, I swear my suitcase went on a solo trip to… well, somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle of lost luggage. I'm carrying a tiny, emergency-survival-kit of essentials this time. Just in case.
- Morning/Early afternoon (9:00 AM): Pre-booked a Grab (the Southeast Asian Uber/Lyft) to take me to my "nature-feels" haven: Laresio Lakeside Resort and Spa in Calamba, Laguna. The drive is a masterclass in Manila traffic. Buckle up; it's an adventure in itself. I'm crossing my fingers that whatever music the driver picks won't drive me crazy.
- Observation: Manila traffic is a living, breathing organism. Constant horns, weaving, and the occasional tricycle that looks like it's about to burst into flames. It's terrifying, but strangely… captivating.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 1:00 PM): Arrive at Laresio. Oh. My. God. Seriously, photos do not do this place justice! The lake is serene (though I do hope the water is clean). Trees galore. Cute little cabanas. I instantly feel a knot of tension I didn't even know I was holding, melt away.
- Emotional Reaction: Pure, unadulterated relief. Finally, a place to breathe.
- Afternoon/Evening (1:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Check in, unpack (tentatively – still paranoid my bag is MIA), and wander around the resort. Find the biggest hammock possible (apparently, I have a thing for hammocks).
- Quirky Observation: The staff? Super friendly. The kind of friendly that makes you think, "Are they really this nice, or are they just trying to get a good tip?" (Spoiler: it's probably both, and I don't care.)
- Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Dinner at the resort restaurant. They have… well, let's just say the menu choices are interesting. Trying the local dish - a Sinigang is a sour and savory soup. The first bite is a revelation. The second? A little too much. The third? You get the idea. But the view of the sunset over the lake? Sublime.
- Imperfection: I ordered a pineapple juice. It was, let's say, watered down. Consider this a lesson learned. Still, the sunset made up for it.
Day 2: Water, Water Everywhere (and More Cocktails)
- Morning (8:00 AM): Wake up feeling rested. Maybe it was the air, maybe it was the lack of concrete, but this place has already worked its magic. Actually, maybe it was the cocktails from last night.
- Morning (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Watersports! Kayaking, paddleboarding, whatever floats your boat (pun intended). I choose to paddleboard. Emphasis on the "fall into the water" part. I am NOT graceful.
- Messy structure: I have no idea what I'm doing. My balance is completely shot. I am the human equivalent of a beached whale. But, hey, the sun is shining. The water is… well, it looks relatively clean, and I have a life vest.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Lunch at the resort. This time, I order something safe.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Spa time! Okay, so I splurged. I booked a massage. A deep tissue massage. Let's just say, I'm probably going to feel this for the next week. But the pure, unadulterated bliss of it? Worth every penny!
- Stronger Emotional Reactions: The massage was HEAVENLY. The therapist (bless her soul) worked out knots I didn't even know I had. I nearly fell asleep and snored.
- Evening (6:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Dinner and cocktails by the lake. Live music adds to the atmosphere. I'm starting to feel like I could actually live here. I mean, probably not forever. But a few more days… tempting.
Day 3: Day Trip to Tagaytay (Volcano Views and Food Comas)
- Morning (8:00 AM): Another wake up! Heading to Tagaytay, the famous "city above the clouds". So, Grab again, or rent a car? Let's wing it.
- Morning (9:00 AM - 11:00 AM): The drive to Tagaytay. More Manila traffic, but this time with a destination. The roads are winding, and the views start to open up – the air suddenly feels cleaner.
- Anecdote: The driver is blasting the radio. A mix of questionable pop music and what sounds like Filipino karaoke. I might be starting to understand some of the words.
- Morning/Afternoon (11:00 AM - 2:00 PM): Reaching Tagaytay. The Taal Volcano. Wow, the views are incredible. I take million photos. So worth it.
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 4:00 PM): FOOD TIME! Tagaytay is famous for its restaurants. I tried the "Bulalo"- a stew with beef marrow bones, cooked to perfection.
- Imperfection: I ordered too much food. I am basically a food coma machine now.
- Afternoon/Evening (4:00 PM - 7:00 PM): The drive back to Laresio. The sunset is even more stunning from up here.
- Evening (7:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Dinner at the resort. I'm pretty sure I can't eat another bite, but I manage.
Day 4: Culture and Chaos in Manila (Briefly! And Probably Crying a Little Inside)
- Morning (8:00 AM): Check out of Laresio. Oh man, I don't want to leave. This place is pure magic.
- Morning/Early Afternoon (9:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Back to Manila. Traffic, traffic, traffic.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Check into a hotel in Makati (a business district, and not exactly "nature-feels," but close enough).
- Afternoon (2:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Trying to make it to Intramuros, the historic walled city. Trying to cope with the crowds. So much to see, but my mood isn't fitting in. I make some quick snapshots - San Agustin Church, Fort Santiago.
- Emotional Reaction: I had expected to fall in love with Manila's history. But the chaos, the heat, the sheer intensity of it all… it's a lot. I'm overwhelmed, and the crowds are getting to me.
- Evening (5:00 PM - 7:00 PM): I decide to cut the trip short. Sometimes, you just need to tap out.
- Evening (7:00 PM - 9:00 PM): Have dinner at a quiet restaurant.
Day 5: Flight Home (And the Aftermath)
- Morning (8:00 AM): Sleep in. The best medicine.
- Morning (9:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Last-minute souvenir shopping (because, guilt).
- Morning/Early Afternoon (10:00 AM - 12:00 PM): Head to NAIA. Traffic, you guessed it.
- Afternoon/Evening (12:00 PM onward): Fly home. Reflect. Journal. Vow to learn some basic Tagalog for next time.
Okay, So...Escape Manila's Hustle: What *IS* This 'Serene Nature Retreat' Thing, REALLY?
Alright, deep breaths, people. This isn't some perfectly curated Instagram moment, alright? It's Escape Manila basically trying to yank you away from the soul-crushing, traffic-jamming, noise-bombarding nightmare that is... well, *Manila*. They promise "serene nature," right? Yeah, there's *some* nature. Think less Yosemite grandeur and more… a really well-kept province garden, kind of. They've got this chill vibe going on, hammocks swaying, and maybe, *maybe* a bird or two that actually *sings* (as opposed to the incessant car alarm symphony I'm used to). It's about hitting the pause button, really. But seriously, don't expect miracles. I went, expecting enlightenment and came back with... a slightly less stressed-out me and a craving for mangoes. Their mango shakes, by the way? LEGIT.
How Do I Even *GET* There? Because Manila Traffic is a Beast.
Ugh. The question that haunts my dreams. Okay, brace yourself. Escape Manila is… not exactly *in* Manila. It's a bit of a schlep. They'll give you directions, but trust me, download Waze. And pray. Seriously, praying is essential. The last time I went (and, reader, I *swear* this happened), I was stuck in traffic for *four hours*. Four. Hours. Thinking about my life choices. Luckily, I had a good book and a stash of those questionable convenience store biscuits. Driving is the usual route, but be prepared for the potential for severe, existential traffic-induced dread. Consider Carpooling if possible!
What Should I *Actually* Pack? (Beyond Survival Biscuits)
Okay, here’s the deal. Don't be that person who shows up in stilettos thinking you’re going to a spa. This is *nature-ish*, remember? Pack:
- Comfortable Shoes: Seriously. You might walk. Shocking, I know.
- Insect Repellent: Those little buggers will find you. Trust me. I ended up looking like an itchy, red-bumped constellation the last time. Horrifying.
- Sunscreen: Because burning feels terrible. And honestly, nobody wants to look like a cooked lobster.
- Swimsuit (if you're into that. I'm not, personally - but you do you). There is a pool and some areas with bodies of water
- Cash: Because sometimes card machines die a slow, agonizing death, and they don't always take digital payments..
- A good book / something to occupy your mind on the long commute: Or a good podcast or an audiobook, you will be there for a while
- Your Own Alcohol/Beverages: To ensure you're content, some places have very basic drinks.
Is it *Actually* Relaxing? Or Just... Pretending to be?
Okay, this is the million-dollar question. It *can* be. Look, the point is to *try*. You're away from work emails and the incessant beeping of your phone (hopefully). I'm going to be real here; the first hour I was there, I was still twitching and checking my phone. Purely out of habit. Then, I saw the hammock. And the mango shake (again, *amazing*). And, slowly, the tension... lessened. It’s not a magic bullet, people. You might find yourself thinking about that nagging deadline. But maybe, just maybe, you can push that thought aside for a little while. It's an escape, not a complete mind-wipe. The goal is to leave a little less frazzled than when you arrived. And honestly? That's a win these days.
Food! Because I Don't Survive on Serenity Alone. What's the Grub Like?
The food… is generally pretty decent. Don't go expecting Michelin-star dining, but it's better than the processed garbage you're probably used to inhaling in Manila. They have a variety of dishes. Lots of fresh ingredients. The mangoes... I mentioned the mangoes, right? They're amazing. Seriously, I'd go back just for the mangoes. They also have some decent options for people with specific dietary restrictions. Just, you know, don't expect the world. It's good, wholesome food. You'll survive (and maybe even thrive!)
Okay, The *Rooms*...Spill the Tea. Cozy Cabins or Shabby Shacks?
Alright, so the accommodations... They're generally *okay*. Don't expect the Four Seasons. Think… clean, comfortable, and designed to blend with the surrounding nature (or at least, try to!). They vary a bit depending on what you book – some are more “rustic-chic” than others. I once stayed in a room with a *massive* mosquito net draped over the bed, which, honestly, felt like sleeping in a glamorous, slightly-too-warm cocoon. It's nice, but again, manage your expectations. You're there to escape the city, not to live like royalty. Unless you *are* royalty. In which case, you probably have staff to handle all this. Lucky you.
What Can I *Do* There? Besides... Sit.
Well, sitting is a perfectly acceptable activity! But, if you’re prone to antsiness like me, there's other stuff:
- Swimming: There's almost always a pool.
- Walking Around You can explore at your own pace, the trails are usually manageable. They usually have a small trail you can follow.
- Reading: Bring a book! Or download one.
- Massages: They often have massage services. *Highly* recommended. That's where true serenity sometimes lies.
- Hammocking: Embrace the hammock life. It's a key element to achieving a genuine state of zen.
- Meditation/Yoga areas: They do have this.
Is it Worth the Price? Because Let's be Real, Travel Ain't Cheap.
Ah, the million-dollar question, again! Is it worth it? That depends entirely on what you value. If you're looking for a budget break, probably not. LuxuryHidden Stay
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